Where did you get a picture of my penis
Please, let me fuck your mom
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
