My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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