Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
