I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
