You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
