That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
