I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
