I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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