But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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