You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
