HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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