I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
