I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
