"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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