stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
