i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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