Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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