so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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