So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just found a bag of teeth...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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