So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
