This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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