I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
