I think i peed on brittanys purse
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
