we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
me + whiskey = a bad person
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
