so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
