Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
