Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
