Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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