We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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