he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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