Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i dont even know how to be here
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
