I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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