I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We left the knife in your bed.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
