is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
