I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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