they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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