shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
