Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
