i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just forgot I was standing up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
