it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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