Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
