I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
look no pants
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
