He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Randomize
