oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh god it's open bar.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
