y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
