So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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