I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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