o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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