i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
