I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
