i don't like sucking hair
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
