He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
