I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
where are my eyebrows?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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