I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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